I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
