Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
the liver wants what the liver wants
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
