He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
