and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
