everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
