i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
