Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
