You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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