pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize