She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize