I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
