Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
just found out that she named her cat after me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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