I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
