I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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