So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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