We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
