he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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