My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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