Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
