Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
