Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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