Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
