Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
