I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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