You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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