Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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