he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
