Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
