I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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