He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
