I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
