I want to have your abortion
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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