i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
