Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We got so high we made milksteak
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
