babies were throwing up all over the place
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
