he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
