Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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