I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
