Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
