You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
