I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
