Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How's work?
Spinning.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
