The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
