4 words: hood of his car
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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