I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
40s are totally the cure
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
