Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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