Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
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