how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
