I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
