Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
