who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
