The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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