I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
