hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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