its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
