I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
