You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
