I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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