Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
