Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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