My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He had one of those small greek statue penises
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Are my feet made of real feet?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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