Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
