it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
