im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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