just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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