I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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