Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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