I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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