Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
