I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
