Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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