made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
