I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
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I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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