I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
