I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
