why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
