Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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