I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
