he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
