is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
